Operation_Bug Spray Read online

  He and the Argonauts made their way toward the safe house, and Rade unleashed a fresh stun on their prey every block or so. The Argonauts reached the safe house shortly, and before they holed up inside, Rade ordered the HS3s into hiding.

  Within, Rade had Harlequin throw the Artificial and the Phant it contained into the waiting glass containment device. Two metal disks, one located on the floor of the container, the other the ceiling, engaged, and the Artificial spun around as if in a centrifuge. A few moments later the Phant was extracted into a small black box installed at the top of the container, leaving the stunned Artificial at the base of the device.

  “I want a full interrogation done on that Artificial before we destroy it,” Rade told Formaldehyde.

  “Understood.” The combat robot opened the containment device and dragged the Artificial away.

  Rade retrieved the black box and studied it. “Hard to believe that our most dangerous adversary resides inside this small box. Zhidao. The Purple that almost killed Shaw and Alex. Almost killed me.” He carefully set down the box on a nearby counter.

  “Bitch deserves what’s coming to him,” Bender commented.

  Rade turned to address the Argonauts. “Well done, team. This was a classic extract. We’ll have to hunker down here for a few days however, until this blows over. Bender, TJ, I want you on first watch. Upper windows.”

  “You got it, Boss,” Bender said.

  Rade watched the assigned pair leave, then continued: “The rest of you, it’s time for some R&R.”

  three

  A few days later, when the dust had settled, Rade and company dismantled the glass container and destroyed the constituent parts, along with the Sino-Korean Artificial, whose AI core was corrupted beyond repair and could not be interrogated. They secured the black box that contained their Phant captive in the bottom of a large crate, and filled the remainder of the crate with similar looking boxes before sealing it. They also destroyed all of their weapons, as arms were illegal in Gala. They trashed their jumpsuits as well, since the gear would raise too much suspicion at the spaceport.

  The team caught a flyer to the local space terminal, and at security one of the officials had Rade open up the crate.

  The primly dressed official reached inside and grabbed one of the black boxes. Then he asked a question in Ruse-Italian, the Russian-Italian hybrid spoken by many of the city’s inhabitants.

  The Implant translated: “What are these?”

  Rade shrugged. “We’re cologne traders. Picking up some of your famous Al Floq Di Prussia.”

  Bender broke out in a laugh. “A Flock of Pussy. Oh, that’s good!” He looked around when he realized the other Argonauts were glaring at him. “I mean. Yeah. We love us our Al Fock. Flock. I’ve never smelled so good as when I’ve smeared A Flock Di Pussia on my testi— er, my body.”

  “You’ll be smearing Al Fock on your face soon enough all right,” Manic said. “It’s Prussia, not Pussia.”

  “That’s what I said, fool,” Bender told him.

  The official regarded the men behind Rade with a skeptical eye. “You don’t look like traders. Nor act like them.”

  “Oh, most of these men are paid security consultants,” Rade said. “We hire them for peace of mind. The woman there is my wife.”

  The man looked at Surus and seemed puzzled. “You married an Artificial?”

  How did he know she was an Artificial? Bender texted over the private comm band.

  Guess, Manic texted. Too beautiful.

  But rejuvenation treatments can make someone just as beautiful, Bender replied.

  A text from Surus appeared a moment later. I decided to leave my Artificial status alone on my profile.

  Now you tell me, Rade texted.

  The official handed Rade the black box he had taken from the crate. “Open it.”

  Rade put on his most patient smile and pressed the repeal button on the box. The lid slid aside, revealing four bottles of perfume, neatly stacked. He retrieved one of the bottles and handed it to the official. The label read “Al Foq Di Prussia.” It was a real brand, despite Bender’s comments.

  The prim man shook the bottle and watched the yellow liquid swish around inside. He sniffed the container. “Value of the cargo?”

  “Nine thousand, standard currency,” Rade said. “I’ve already filled out all the paperwork, and paid the necessary tariffs...”

  “Yes,” the official said, returning the bottle. “I require that you pay me three hundred directly, however.”

  Rade smiled, replacing the bottle in the box. “My apologies. Of course.” You corrupt little prick.

  Rade made the necessary transfer via his Implant. “It’s done.”

  “You are free to go.” The official paused, eyes momentarily defocusing, obviously to read the false name on Rade’s embedded ID. Then: “Mr. and Mrs. Tetrazal.”

  Rade beamed. “Thank you.” He returned the box to the crate, sealed it up, and beckoned toward Harlequin and Formaldehyde. The two hoisted the big item between themselves once more and headed into the hangar area.

  The team loaded into the waiting Dragonfly and the shuttle launched.

  “Did you see the look on that guy’s face when the boss told him he was married to Surus?” Bender said during the trip into orbit. “Priceless!”

  “I don’t think he’s ever seen a man who married an Artificial before,” Manic said.

  “Well then, I was his first,” Rade said. He didn’t mind it when the men ribbed him. In fact, it was a sign of good morale. It also made him feel less like their boss and more like one of them, something he preferred.

  “Lots of people marry Artificials,” Lui said. “Or even ordinary robots.”

  “Hear that Surus?” Bender said. “Me and you...”

  Surus rolled her eyes and looked away.

  “Guess she’s not in the mood,” Bender said.

  “She’s never in the mood,” Manic commented.

  “Maybe you and Bender should look into purchasing a shared jumpsuit next time,” Tahoe joked.

  “Ha ha,” Bender said. “That’s right, Red Man. Make fun of the misunderstood genius.”

  “Oh, you’re misunderstood all right,” Tahoe said. “On a good day, I can understand half the words that come out of your mouth. On a bad day, none at all.”

  Bender frowned. “Yeah whatever. It’s gang up on Bender day I see. I’m just gonna shut y’all out now and enjoy some high quality ass in VR. Bye bye.” His eyes defocused.

  Manic waved a hand in front of Bender’s face, but the man didn’t respond. “Well, looks like he’s logged out. Guess that means I can tell you about this one time when he left me alone with his sister...”

  “I can still hear you!” Bender said.

  Some time later the shuttle docked with the Argonaut in orbit. Rade collected the black box containing the Phant from the crate.

  “Well, that’s one less Phant the universe has to deal with,” Lui said as he eyed the box.

  “Don’t jinx it,” Fret said. “We haven’t thrown the Phant into the sun yet.”

  “But we will soon enough,” Lui said.

  Rade had Surus store the black box in the cargo hold, where she had an extra glass containment device waiting.

  The cargo hold. Zhidao had boarded their ship six months ago to gain access to a certain time weapon that had been located in that hold. The weapon was no longer there, nor even aboard the ship: Rade didn’t want the Purple on the same vessel as that weapon, even if the Phant was contained. As such, he had a shuttle load the specialized Acceptor and access artifact onto a transport ship, paying the captain to deposit the items within a secure storage facility in a system of Rade’s choosing. None of his crew members were in on the location, not Shaw, not Bax. Hell, not even Surus knew. He planned to reveal the location to Surus as soon as the Purple was off his ship and trapped safely in the core of the nearby star. Until then, the secret would be his.

  When Surus left with the bo
x, Rade gave the remaining contents of the crate to his crew to do with as they pleased.

  “I’m selling this crap the next stop, first thing,” Lui said. He carried a couple of the boxes under his arms.

  “Selling it?” Bender said. “Screw that. I’m wearing this ‘crap’ as you call it. Al Flock Di Pussia. Like the name says, pussy is going to flock to me when I smear this on! I just know it. Stuff is pussy in a box!”

  “Maybe I should smear some on my feet for you,” Manic said. “That way we can play footsie later.”

  “Yeah, you wish,” Bender. “Ain’t nothing you can do to make your feet smell better.”

  Rade left them and went to sickbay immediately.

  Half of the compartment served as quarters for the twins. The sickbay was already smaller than it should be, as he had walled off some of the compartment to create the ship’s tiny gym: he’d probably have to restore the lost section to sickbay eventually, especially if the kids continued to room here. The Argonauts would just have to make do with a smaller workout area.

  The four-year-olds were sleeping in their small beds while Cora and Dora stood watch. Shaw was there, asleep too. She had probably been reading them a story or something from her Implant.

  Rade almost left, but then Shaw opened an eye.

  “Oh no you don’t,” Shaw said. She glanced upward. “Bax, what the hell? I told you to alert me when Rade landed.”

  “I did alert you,” the Argonaut’s AI replied. “You slept right through it. I considered ringing the general quarters klaxon, but I figured you and the twins wouldn’t appreciate it.”

  “Good assumption,” Shaw said. She scrambled to her feet and gazed at Rade with love in her eyes. “There you are.”

  All that talking had awakened the kids, and Rade jumped slightly when Sil’s scream filled the compartment.

  “Daddy!” Sil screeched. “Yay!”

  Alex darted awake as well, and both twins dashed forward. Rade knelt to scoop them up in his big arms.

  “Ah!” Alex said when Rade squeezed his arms around his kids. Alex’s expression was filled with pain.

  “What?” Rade asked his son in sudden concern.

  “Bumpy thing, biting into my back!” Alex said.

  “Oh sorry,” Rade said. He adjusted his hold so that the hardpoint on his wrist wasn’t digging into Alex’s back.

  Alex had recovered well after the trauma with the carnosaurs. Still, Rade worried about him. His son had been through a lot. As had Rade. For him, the worst had to be when he had cut off Alex’s arm when the boy was still a baby, to save his son from an alien infection. He had a matter of seconds to make up his mind and perform the deed. That had been one of the most terrible, gut-wrenching things Rade had ever had to do. It still nearly broke him every time he thought about it.

  My boy. My poor boy.

  The arm had been replaced with a bioprinted one, of course, and functioned identically to the limb he had lost, but the slightly corrugated texture gave it away. Rade still wasn’t sure how he and Shaw would explain it to him when he was older. So far, his son hadn’t asked. Alex probably assumed everyone had slightly different arms like that.

  Shaw joined in the hug, so that Rade was wrapped around everyone he loved. He looked into her eyes and saw a slight haunted aspect to them, mingled with the joy of his return.

  He knew that look. It was the mien of someone who had seen too much. A haunted look he had seen often in his own men, and in himself sometimes, when he gazed upon his reflection in a mirror.

  Shaw had never really looked at him the same way after the arm-cutting incident, not even four years later. She knew he had a darkness inside of him, one that made him capable of doing something no other parent could ever do. Yet he didn’t see that darkness necessarily as evil, but rather a strength.

  I’d do anything to save my kids. Anything.

  Sad to say, if saving his kids meant sacrificing the lives of his entire crew, he would make the choice in a heartbeat.

  He prayed he never had to face such a scenario. Because he’d never forgive himself for doing it.

  That’s the burden that comes with having kids aboard a starship.

  If only he could bear to part with them. Holding his entire family in his arms right then, he knew he could not.

  “You all right, big guy?” Shaw asked.

  “Yeah,” Rade said. “Why?”

  “Your eyes looked a little misty there for a second,” Shaw said. “I thought you were going to cry.”

  “What, me cry?” Rade said. “Never happen.”

  Shaw smiled, her own eyes becoming misty. “Damn you,” she said, and the tears fell. “I missed you. I was so worried in that final stretch.”

  Rade rested his head against her forehead and blinked rapidly, fighting back his own tears.

  “I missed you, too,” he managed to say without cracking.

  “Mommy, Daddy, why are you crying?” Sil said.

  Shaw smiled widely at her daughter. “They’re tears of joy, dear. Someday you’ll understand.”

  “I do!” Sil said. She was smiling widely. “I do I do! You’re so happy it hurts!” She giggled.

  “Something like that,” Shaw said.

  That evening Rade and Shaw elected to eat with the men in the wardroom. Chicken was on the menu, as always. Rade had stocked up at Ceres V, purchasing enough frozen chickens to last at least three months.

  “So seriously, bro,” Lui told Bender between bites. “You were alone with Surus for a solid month before the rest of us arrived at Ceres V. Nothing happened between you two?”

  Bender grinned widely, revealing the golden grille covering his front teeth. “Oh, a lot happened all right. But I’m not one to kiss and tell, if you know what I mean.”

  “Uh, Bender?” Lui said. “You got a big piece of chicken caught between your front teeth.”

  Bender kept smiling. “So?” His tongue worried the chunk of meat. “Study me and you might learn a few things about pleasing the fairer sex.”

  “By watching you lick a gross piece of meat caught between your teeth?” Manic said. “I don’t think so.”

  “I can see how you’d be offended, since you were expecting advice on pleasuring the same sex,” Bender said. “Seeing as how your name is Man Lick after all…”

  “A lot happened between you and Surus?” Shaw said after swallowing her latest slice.

  Bender looked down his nose at Shaw. “That’s right. I know you’re jealous and all.”

  Rade snorted.

  Shaw glanced at him. “You mind if I leap over the table and throttle him?”

  “By all means,” Rade said. “Saves me the trouble of having to do it later.”

  “All right all right, I take it back,” Bender said. “You’re not jealous.”

  “That’s right,” Shaw said, smiling dangerously.

  “But let me just say, Surus couldn’t stop talking about how big I was,” Bender said.

  “Why do I doubt that?” Manic said.

  “Yeah, bro,” Tahoe said. He bit into a chicken leg and talked with his mouth full. “Brag about all the things you did to her while Surus isn’t here to defend herself.”

  “Burgh afout alloose murf did towel Surus yana here to bleghag herthef!” Manic said, making fun of how Tahoe sounded with his mouth full like that.

  “Sorry,” Tahoe said. It sounded like “soffy.”

  “Maybe we should get Bax to tap in Surus from her quarters in the cargo bay,” Manic said. “So she can give her side of the story. I have a feeling it won’t match up with Bender’s version.”

  “I have no doubt that when she called Bender big,” Shaw said. “She was referring to his ego.”

  Bender shrugged. “Think what y’all want. Surus and I know exactly what happened. I’m telling you, you think she looks good clothed? You should see that fine ass naked. She has one mighty sweet—”

  “Bender and I roomed in separate quarters at the house we were renting,” Surus in
terrupted over the intercom. “He never saw me naked. Never laid a hand on me. And he never will.”

  “Aw Surus, why’d you have to go and spoil all my fun.” Bender crossed his arms and half pouted. But his apparent distress couldn’t stop him from biting into another piece of chicken.

  “Ha!” Manic said. “Bender is never going to get laid.”

  Bender erupted in a loud chortle. He choked on the chicken for a moment, before finally swallowing. Gasping, he said: “You’re hilarious, bro. I had a different model quality girl coming to my quarters every night. I like squashing pussy almost as much as I like squashing bugs. Surus, you heard the nightly foot traffic coming past your door? Corroborate for me before I whoop the ass of this pathetic, weak, sissy.”

  “Sissy!” Manic said. “That’s the best he has. I’m a sissy.”

  “Surus?” Bender pressed.

  Surus didn’t answer.

  “And there we have it,” Manic said. “Bender. The biggest BS-er in the history of the word. And regarding Surus: you’ve been trying to get her for what, over four years now? When is it going to sink in that it isn’t going to happen? She’s just not into you. Who’s the stupid one now?”

  Bender didn’t say a word more. He didn’t meet anyone’s eye, and ate in silence.

  Rade felt sorry for his friend. Despite his boisterous words, Bender was a good guy. And loyal to a fault. Bender would give his life to save any one of them, even Manic and Harlequin. Especially Manic and Harlequin. The two Bender sparred with the most were perhaps the dearest to his heart. All the insults, the taunts, the fights, they were his way of showing affection. Bender was the very definition of what it was to be a true MOTH. And though he no longer served in the military, he had never lost the heart that made him who he was.

  And Rade doubted he ever would.

  BEFORE THEY LEFT orbit, Rade arranged for a factory-fresh Centurion to be conveyed to the ship from a military retailer on the surface. Surus paid for it.

  He was careful to instruct the retailer to give him a “clean slate” Centurion, meaning one that had never had a consciousness installed: overwriting an already imprinted robot, while technically legal, was essentially the same as killing it.